The Hidden Danger of Being a People Pleaser
- Rosemary Powell, CMS, CHT, FNLP
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
Many kind-hearted, highly sensitive people have a life pattern of trying to make others happy… even at their own expense. It often begins in childhood — when someone was criticized, rejected, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe — and their nervous system learned: “I must manage other people’s feelings to be safe.”
But here’s the problem: When you constantly prioritize other people’s needs over your own… your nervous system becomes overstimulated.
People pleasing is not “being nice” — it is a survival response. Your nervous system remains in alert mode…
...What will they think?
...Am I doing enough?
...Did I disappoint them?
...Are they upset with me?
And chronic stress takes a toll on the brain and emotions. In fact, as Dr. Clint Steele explains: “When you forego your own needs, stress increases and your cortex goes offline. When the cortex degenerates, this can increase the risk of dementia, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and even autoimmune conditions.”
This is important to understand. Not to create fear — but to create awareness. Your brain was not designed to constantly monitor everyone else’s emotional state. Your brain was designed to help YOU thrive.
Why does this happen? There is a neurological principle called negativity bias. The brain was wired for survival. It watches for danger and tries to avoid pain. For those who grew up in homes where emotional safety was unpredictable or inconsistent — people pleasing can become the nervous system’s attempt to reduce threat. It becomes a habit. It becomes an identity.
Sometimes clients tell me: “I don’t even know what I want anymore — I just know what everyone ELSE wants.” That is a sign that the brain and nervous system have been in survival mode for far too long.
What can you do to begin shifting? You must teach your brain how to feel safe choosing your own needs again. Dr. Clint Steele teaches a tool called pivot thoughts — identifying at least five things that make you feel genuinely happy, peaceful, or grateful — and intentionally shifting your attention onto them. This changes your state. It begins to move your nervous system out of survival mode and into healing mode. This is exactly the type of work I support my clients with every day. Because people pleasing is not a personality trait — it is a nervous system adaptation. And it can be changed.
Hypnotherapy is one of the fastest ways to change this pattern. Hypnotherapy teaches your subconscious mind to:
• Feel safe saying no
• Set boundaries without guilt
• Prioritize self-care
• Regulate your emotions
• Calm the nervous system
• Heal the root origin of the stress pattern
When your brain is no longer overloaded by stress, you reclaim your power. Your confidence returns. Your self-worth rises. Your energy improves. Your body relaxes. And your relationships become more balanced and respectful — because YOU are balanced and respectful with yourself.
If this resonates with you …If you know you have been a people pleaser…If you feel the stress in your body…If you feel resentment building because you always over-give…You do not have to stay trapped in that pattern forever.
Your brain can heal.Your nervous system can re-train.Your identity can shift.
This is exactly what I help my clients with. You are welcome to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if hypnotherapy is right for you. Let’s calm your nervous system, restore your boundaries, and help you reclaim your life — without guilt.
Your needs matter. And you matter.
-Rosemary