Rosemary Powell, CMS, CHT, FNLP

When we look honestly at many of the painful moments in our lives, fear is often sitting quietly underneath.them. Every relationship that exploded from insecurity. Every time we abandoned ourselves trying to gain approval. Every opportunity we sabotaged because we were afraid to fail. Every moment we stayed silent because we feared rejection. Fear has many disguises, but underneath it is usually the same core belief: “I am not safe as I truly am.”

Radical self-forgiveness means acknowledging that you did the best you could with the awareness, tools, and emotional capacity you had at the time. It means recognizing that growth is part of being human. Holding onto shame does not improve your past—it only drains your present. In fact, constantly doubting yourself, criticizing yourself, and replaying old mistakes is its own kind of distortion. It creates a false narrative that you are somehow less than, when in reality, you are evolving.

What if self-esteem wasn’t complicated at all? What if it could be measured by just one thing: How much judgment and shame you carry. That’s it. The more judgment and shame you hold—about yourself or others—the lower your self-esteem tends to be. The less you carry, the lighter, more confident, and more grounded you feel.